Saturday, 22 February 2014

My Private Secondary School Hell

Okay, so on Monday my friend Steff (check out her post and give her some well deserved love!) she posted her hellish story of secondary school - and I have so much respect and credit for her and for getting the guts to share her story; so much so, I thought I'd share mine with you. 

I started at a private secondary school in September 2006, I previously joined the junior school back in 2004 and then moved up to the secondary part of the whole school. I was fine in junior school, until around the end of year 6, just before moving up to secondary. I started off okay in secondary school, but I knew my experience wouldn't be plain sailing, and I was totally right.

I began to realise throughout year 7 that I definitely was not the most liked person in my year, probably safe to say I was in the top 5 of the most hated in my year. I felt pretty alone a lot of the time; I didn't fit in, and I felt hated. I even forced myself to be physically sick just so I didn't have to go in; this was a common occurrence throughout my whole time at school.

In late May 2007, I broke both of my arms, I fell after athletics and snapped both of my wrists. I had one arm in plaster cast and the other in a metal splint, I was in a lot of pain, I couldn't even feed myself without having someone to help me. And guess what the people in my year thought? That I was pretending that I broke my arms, like it was a joke. I couldn't carry my ruck sack round school, and a so-called friend was mean't to help me. I ended up having to carry my bag on my foot, while painfully holding it there with one of my fingers on the arm that was not as badly broken. This is when I realised, I just wanted to die. I became very depressed and upset, most mornings before leaving the car I would cry and beg not to go in. 

In year 8, things got worse. I had to get braces for my teeth - now lets just have a moment to imagine. I was the fat girl, who had glasses and spots and now I had braces. Things just got worse and worse. I was bullied throughout my whole time of being at secondary school. I even had a period where I wanted to kill myself, because I hated everything about my life and being at that school. At the end of every school day my friend would call me, and I could confide in him. He would comfort me and tell me I'd be out of that school and I'd prove them all wrong - I never believed him until I left school (in year 11) that it would really happen. But even for him being there for me, it still didn't make school any easier.

Midway through year 9, a girl came into my biology class, I always sat on my own so my teacher sat her next to me. And now to this day, we are really close friends. She was one of the few people who made school a little bit more bearable. Also at the beginning of year 9, another girl came into our year. She kind of got the same treatment as me - so I befriended her. None of us where liked that much, and in fact, people would often be bitchy about us behind our backs 99% of the time but we learn't not to care. 

This is when my friend Steff started hanging out a lot more, she started getting a bit of a tough time - so she joined us. (Read her post to find out why). 

The last 2 years where when I started to work hard, but still had a lot of issues. I had a lot of problems with my Art GCSE teachers - they lost my work. TWICE. This angered me so much, I'd worked so hard and they lost it. I had to give up my lunch times to re-do my work. I never got on with them, and me and one of the teachers would often have arguments nearly every lesson. Oh god she was a bitch.

My tutor who was also my drama teacher, she hated my guts. And the feeling was mutual. I genuinely hated my GCSE years the most. There was only one teacher I felt I could really trust in year 10, and that was my English teacher. She did annoy me, frankly quite a lot. But one day, I got so angry in my English class at this boy who was a complete prick. At the end of the lesson, most teachers would tell you off for storming out mid lesson. But she talked to me, like a human being, not like an idiot like the rest of my teachers often did. She made me feel like I could talk to someone. It was at this point, I did finally go to the doctor... I was diagnosed with a form of severe depression. 

I often had run ins with my teachers. My head of year and me never got on either. She always said to me I had to try and work 'harder'... I was pushing myself to the point of destruction to get my work done. But that never really mattered. In year 11, I got a new physics teacher - he was probably the nicest teacher in the world. He made me LOVE going to physics, I loved Thursday afternoons in year 11, because he was the only other teacher apart from my English teacher who I felt I could talk to. 

My school strived for being a non-bullying school, and frankly they were the opposite. If someone was to ask me to recommend a good school, I wouldn't even hesitate to tell them to avoid it. 

The day I left that school after my last exam - I felt amazing. On results day, I had to go to work, so I turned up in my work kit (which was for a football club). I was as nervous as hell, but somehow I managed to get 4 B's and 4 C's (how the hell did that happen!!).

I went back in November 2011, 5 months after I had left. The people who I didn't get on with, acted nice. I'm sure they were just being nosy as to what I was doing after I left. I went back to collect my final art pieces and guess what... THEY LOST THEM AGAIN. Again, I had another argument with my teachers. But I saw my physics teacher just before I was about to leave, and he gave me a hug and wished me the best of luck now I had left. I won't ever forget that moment, that someone believed in me. The first time, someone really had believed in me at that school was the last time I stepped foot there.

So what about now? Now I wish I could see them all again, and stick it to them. All the people that bullied me, or were nasty to me. Dressing in the way I do, has made me such a confident person compared to secondary school Emma. I now do modelling... If someone had said to me back in year 8, that I would be doing modelling, I would have laughed at the idea of it. 

I want to thank the three people who really got me through that school. I can't thank them enough for even just being there.


Emma Victoria