Monday, 6 June 2016

Dating 101 - My Personal Top Tips!! (Part One)

As mentioned in my previous post I have now rejoined the dating world (I was only out for 6 months!) but surprisingly in that time I still had things I had forgotten after being in a relationship... Now, a lot of my friends turn to me when it comes to dating advice - I don't know why but they do; so I always try and give them the best advice I can give them based on the situation...

Now, before I give some situations and examples I want to just put a little disclaimer out - EVERY situation and relationship is different, not everything I can recommend is going to work, its what has worked for me in my 4 years of dating as a young adult. I am not a qualified relationship adviser, I'm just your every day 20 (nearly 21) year old woman.

(Right, now the boring bit has been done!) I'm going to try and do these posts in parts as they will be pretty lengthy going into details about the different situations - I don't know how many parts yet, but here is part one...

Example 1 - Busy? / Cancelled Dates?
This is my most current situation that I am currently in - now if one of my friends was to read this they would know my most recent ex and that it didn't end too great.
After a week of splitting up I went and had a bit of fun (its never wrong to have 'fun' just so long as both parties agree and understand the full intentions). A week later, I felt sort of ready to jump back into the pool of dating... So I did..

Now, I know it has a bit of a dodgy reputation but I joined... Tinder! Now, I matched with a guy who was very local to me, straight away we both clarified that we are not interested in just a hook-up - he is very busy with work (and I mean super busy, but we'll touch on that in a second), so we matched and started speaking on Wednesday, by Friday we had our first date. We went for a drink at a pub local to me (as we all know I don't drive so he offered to come to me), the date went well, he offered to drive me home but I was happy to walk - now, a lot of dating advice sites would say that shows I'm not "interested" but I refused purely because I; a) wanted to walk home b) he had travelled to me and I didn't want to be a bother.

Whilst on my walk home, he messaged me saying thanks for a good night, and did I want to go on a second date - I obliged as we seemed to get on well. Our 2nd date was on the Sunday, we went round his house (see what I mean about different situations? He wasn't taking me back for sex, he had been at work all day and I didn't want to drag him out somewhere when I assumed he would be tired). We ended up chatting for 3 hours, and he then dropped me home - we kissed twice on this date. And, again asked if I would like to go for a third date, so on the Wednesday, he cooked dinner for me at his house and we watched a movie. I ended up staying over at his that night... We definitely had a spark/chemistry and it felt "right" - normally for me I'd say this was going way too fast, we only knew each other a week, but I didn't feel any pressure.

So, this is when it gets tricky. We organised a date for the Saturday - all was well and it came to Saturday, now remember I said he is very busy with his job? Stuff had happened and he had to cancel.

Now you can act 1 of 2 ways... You can act;
a) Get angry, send an emotional text to go fuck himself
b) Be graceful and reschedule

Go for option B!! In a way, see it as a test, especially this early on - if you get angry/stroppy then he may just call the shots then and there, show you are a mature adult - it happens. Life can and does get in the way.

Anyway, we rescheduled for the Monday (bank holiday Monday) now with the job he does he still had to work - so I was waiting at home, as we had arranged to meet up. I messaged him about 5.40pm... I didn't receive a response till 6.20pm saying work had been a nightmare and had to cancel. So, again... I was in that awkward place of do I give him the benefit of the doubt or do I just cut the chord...

I decided to just play it cool and say its okay - I had a gut feeling that he wasn't lying to me. So I simply messaged back and said "Sucks when weeks turn shitty :/ well let me know as I would like to see you again :) xx" - I didn't go over the top I just kept it cool and made my feelings clear that I want to see him again.

Now I will update this when the fourth date is set and it goes on... but for now watch this space!

My main tip from this is to play it cool, be mature and be calm. You don't need to give an over-dramatic reaction - as you may just lose someone that is really decent!


Example 2 - Not being the Booty Call
So one of my best friend's recently came out of a long term relationship, so she really hadn't had much practice in the dating world. I frequently remind her that we have to go through the shitty dates to get a good date, and even then good dates don't always work out.

There is some guys I've been on some lovely dates with but there was no spark for me - so I stayed friends with them and now they are absolutely dear to me!

Anyway, basically she went on a date with this guy, ended up going back to his for whatever reason... ended up doing some 'stuff' (you know what I mean) but not the whole way.

Now, he texted her the following days - she is not looking to just hook up, she wants to date and see if it leads to anything...

My friend sent me some screenshots of their conversations, she was making all the effort. Literally all of it! He wasn't fussed what they would do for their second date - he is meant to be her wooing her and vice versa - I don't believe the man should do all the work, but he was doing none at all!

After reading his last couple of messages which were over 2 consecutive days; "Come c me tonight x" and "call me I'm bored x". He made no effort at any other time to contact her.

Straight away this was a red flag for me. He only contacts her when its convenient for him and he is 'bored'. Sometimes, trust your instincts - they are your best indicators. If it looks like a fish, smells like a fish and feels like a fish... Its probably a fish.

My main tip is; Find out his intentions - don't assume you shouldn't sleep with someone. If it feels right then do it, but get each persons intentions from the start before anything happens. There will always be people who lie and then flake off - but be prepared for this beforehand. Trust your instincts.

I'll leave it at these 2 for now, I'll do some more parts over the next few weeks, I don't want to divulge in loads all at once!

If you have a dating issue you want me to discuss or address then feel free to message me over on my new Facebook page - specifically for my blog! You will remain anonymous as well (its all up to you!)

Lots of Love

Emma V

xoxoxox